Pressure

"So...... What do you want to do with your life?" asked dad trying to start a conversation. "I don't know really....... I don't like to plan out my future, cause I would be disappointed if it didn't happen the way I wanted it to." I said while playing with my hands. "Well, what about college?" he asked as we pulled into the gas station. "Um... I don't think college is for me. I mean I'm not the sharpest tool in the shead. You know?" I said as I gathered up the garbage off the floor. "I believe you're just lazy, and that you are really smart." he said as he gave me a smile. I just shrugged my shoulders and walked into the gas station to get me a coke. While searching for the cheapest coke, I started to think Well maybe dad's right, I mean I'm pretty sure I could go to college and make something of myself! But what if I fail? Then I would just disappoint mom and dad and myself! I don't want that! Then I paid for my coke and ran back to the car and didn't say a word the rest of the day.


Thursday while looking for skirts on eBay (btw I found one YAY!), my mom brought up College. "So did Timber get things worked out for college?" she asked sounding concerned. "Yeah, she's actually on her way there." I said hoping that would be the end of that. "I really hate it for her, that her parents wouldn't help her with any of that." "Yeah, that wasn't a nice thing to do." I said while looking at the skirts on eBay. "Yeah, I hope I don't have to deal with anymore of my kids going to college." "Really?!" I said with a bit of excitement. "Yes! I mean look how Jessie turned out, and Amanda. They were both perfectly fine till they went to college." she said shaking her head. "Yeah. Well you don't have to worry about doing that with me cause, I don't want to go." I said with a big smile feeling very happy that she didn't want me to go. "Well that's good. I would hate for you to turn out like Jessie, and end up messing up your life." she said with relief. Wow! I thought. I don't know what the future has in store for me. I could just as easily mess up my life just like Jessie did, if not worse. Great what if I said something or did something that could change what I do in the future? Stupid pressure! I hate having to feel like I have to please everybody, especially my mom and dad. I feel like everyone is watching me to see if or when I'll mess up on something. And here I am thinking All of this over college? I knew I didn't like talking about college for a reason! Blah... I just wish I could read minds then maybe I could please everyone and nobody would get disappointed! Sadly that's impossible... Oh well =(